Never Love Again

Someday I will tell you just exactly how I feel

If I am able to figure out what is right and what is real

Then I’ll hold you close and leave my fate completely in your hands

Or I may turn around and walk away just as I may have planned

I know not what is in my stars and in my destiny

But I know that sooner or later the truth will set me free

Till then I’ll just close my eyes and try not to feel any pain

And pray to God in the heavens above that I never love again

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98 thoughts on “Never Love Again

  1. I feel…. the same way (: only God’s love always stays, I learned it no other way, when my grandparents passed away, and the love of my life stopped loving me. But God’s love always stays. Hope you’re doing ok, Frank. Always (:

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Cruel. Jagged edged blade. Sunk deep in the chest, pulled further in by my own two hands. Pushing forward against the pain. Knowing the pleasurable pain will be nothing but pain very soon.
    That’s what love it.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Reblogged this on mohantee's musings and commented:
    Frank has always been an excellent poet, whose quality never faults with his quantity. Sharing this not to admire the genius in him, but because he’s said it way better than I could ever hope to.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. It reminds me of this time i went to this strange church. They acted so weird! I got to know this one guy named Jared. He was not kind to me, he used my past against me, and thought bad things of me. I heard him sing a song once a long time ago. The Simple Pursuit. It made me wonder if he had heard my cover of the song, on a different blog. I heard him sing, and there was no other voice I could hear. I once saw him look at me, as if he saw the Sun. It must have been a bright smile he saw. When I first talked to him on the track, I felt a sense of awe. He told me the blunt truth. That I made him uncomfortable. I really… fell for him though. He disappeared from my life though. He was there and then he wasnt. I didn’t understand why, he went missing. I met these two bloggers online. Weird things started happening. Things, I tried to make sense of, personally. As I’ve always been normal. Plain. And boring. I couldn’t understand what was happening. I simply felt crazy. I saw weird things. But I never knew why he blocked me. I really loved… that guy. I don’t think I’ll ever understand. Why being at that church, made me feel unwelcome. And put me back to this place. Of wanting to die. Only God knows. Why. I have never felt more pain, in all my life. God always hoped I’d be. A loving sweet wife. But reason unknown, being at that church, made me want to die. Surely, they are all demons, being used by the enemy, to make me again, cry. Not one person, ever told me. They kept me questioning my sanity. Making me feel, crazy. To me, they are just like my first boyfriend. Telling me I’m crazy, so much, that that is what I believe. They didn’t know. How much God had loved me. To keep me alive, and protect me, after my best friend, and true love, had left me. But i think I’m merely crazy. And they never got to know me. They only judged me by my past, by people who do not know me, and made assumptions of what I wanted and desired. A dream I had to write. That my ex, would find me again someday. It was the hope of the dream I had. That it held meaning. I loved him. More than me. And now, I love God, more than me. I die for Him. Freely. Those people must be enemies of the Lord. They could not find love. In me. But I actually. Truly believe. I’m crazy. So I guess if they ever saw me again, it would not mean, anything. It is hard to understand. Where God is leading me. But I dont think. I can love again. My heart has reached… its limit. But Jared, he was good to me, mean, but appreciated. I’m not good, with men. It’s only God alone, I cared about, after Chris left. That was when I was led, to all that. I really fell for that guy… Jared. But I simply… cannot take another hit from love, again. It has only hurt me, to love him. I don’t think I will ever love. Again.

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    1. If only I could tell him, happy birthday. I’d tell him, how much he meant to me. And how he should always, sing. Maybe someone else, more blessed than I, would fall for him, in hospital ministry. If only i never dreamed. I wonder if he still thinks, of that day, that I beamed. If only I could hear him sing. If only he had loved, me. Then maybe God, they would have seen. As gatekeeper, He gave me, the keys. But they had been. Mean to me. If only I could hear him sing. His voice is all I hear, in my head, singing. If only they could have loved, me.

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      1. There’s a guy from iUniverse and Christian Faith publishing that keep calling me. I haven’t answered them. As I didn’t know what to say. About that place. It would not be wise for them to lie, when God asks them why, they had caused me, this pain, as He did, want me to know if I knew, those names. They can lie, to me, to reporters, interviewers, but they cannot lie, to God one day, when He asks them, why they had made me cry, again. I had such hope for them. But they had only made me cry. Again. And again. I have loved, and forgiven. But it was a simple task I think. To be told. The truth. They could not do the one thing I hoped them to do. To tell me, to talk to me, to know me, and find, the truth. They can keep secrets, and hide from the reporters too. But from God, they cannot lie or hide or keep secrets from Him, they cannot hide. They never even got to know me, that’s why. They are afraid of me, that’s why. Why? Have I said anything so crazy? As if I was anything asides Kalyn? Writers are crazy. They write. And I just tried, to make sense of something I never had, all my life. There was only one repeated dream I had. And there have been more since Chris left. I dont know much of them. Only that there are many, who’ve been gifted by the Holy Spirit. Even today there are many prophets. But I met a man who did not believe Jesus was the only way, surely only Jesus, had sent me. But my name is just Kalyn, to me. And i am a human so plain to see. A woman blessed or cursed, with this ability. It just makes me sad. And that they should just, tell me. It is no bluff, from me. Indeed the porter, of that place, was me. It was the gift, given me. I simply, just wanted to know, I was not crazy. But seeing as this means nothing to anyone, how I feel, that you simply cant seem to love me, how could I tell God, to let these people Him to see? If they cannot love me, how can they love God whom they cannot see? I want one thing. My sanity. The truth, told to me. It is unwise to question. Especially if I did. Know your true names 😌

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    2. That is so sad. Similar to this drug program that calls itself a church. And maybe you are right maybe these people are demons made to make you cry again. I cry too over a man, a man I gave a chance with love after he aided in the break up my friendship with another man. Then the church took some thing I said and used it against me to make my friend and all the rest of the men hate me. The one man I really loved I didn’t even want to know that much about him because he was so full of anger. But I did the stupid thing and let him in and fell for him. He had demons I know…. been f. people too long but to have. One day he’ll realize what a beautiful relationship we had that he just threw away. But he’s made himself sick and he has to fix himself first before he can live anybody. But I know the Lord had someone for you as he does for me. And the best thing I did was stop going around him and stopped talking to him and got in with my life. And asked God to forget.

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      1. Demons call by sins. They know your name and call you anything but it. They play confusing and hard to understand word games. Never speak to me again, but appreciate your comment.

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        1. Never speak to you again? I have so many people telling me that it’s unreal. How weird, you appreciate my comment but you don’t want me to talk to you. That’s too bad. Cuz when I’ve got something to say I say it.

          Liked by 1 person

  5. I don’t know if this is how you feel or it’s someone else that you’ve written about but I can sense the genuine emotion there. It is straight from the heart, a broken one.

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  6. Ruth’s husband died. I’m sure she wept and cried. She chose her new life. Became Boaz’s wife. The line of David led to Jesus. What would’ve happened if she hadn’t loved him? Would any of us today know Him? Jesus? Random word I leave for you. I hope and pray I never love again too. Because pain is all I’ve known, since I’ve met bloggers two. I pray I never fall in love again. But if I did, I hope I can fall for someone like you 🙂

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  7. Maybe that’s how the man I love feels about me…. I begged him after our shirt but painful romance to come back to me and he did…. once. Then he gave up over nothing andblocked me off his facebook. He can’t take anything gets mad if I even blink…. A furious man totally all day over me. And the church ordered us to stop talking to me made me into some kind of wretched pervert! I guess I was calling him out of that poop hole he got his self into. That treatment center that calls itself a church that told all the men to not talk to me.

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