Can someone please teach me how to work with spreadsheets?

It’s giving me nightmares. Making me dance to its beats

It’s not as easy to use as a word document

There are many functions on which I’d rather not comment

I’ve got a big presentation tomorrow. I could really use some help

I cannot teach kids to use spreadsheets if I don’t know it myself

When the teacher isn’t looking

We’ll giggle and we’ll laugh

Paper rockets will fly around

And cut the misery to half

…

When the teacher isn’t looking

We’ll eat all that we can

Make all sorts of noises

And bang the desks again

…

When the teacher isn’t looking

We’ll look outside the window

Talk to our imaginary friend

Or get into a row

…

When the teacher isn’t looking

The black board, we’ll ignore

And stare into that person’s eyes

The reason we came here for

…

When the teacher isn’t looking

We’ll pass a secret message

Pretend we’re under attack

And speak in alien language

…

When the teacher isn’t looking

We’ll invent new formulae

Math wouldn’t be boring anymore

Homework’ll equal play

…

When the teacher isn’t looking

We’ll fight with books and glue

But the teacher didn’t come to school today

Now we don’t know what to do

I swear I did my homework

I just couldn’t find it right now

When I was writing a poem

It must have grown wings somehow

…

I swear I did my homework

It must be somewhere around

But I’m too busy writing a poem

I don’t care if it’s found

…

I swear I did my homework

But it is not with me

Did I give it to someone else

So I can write my poetry?

…
I swear I did my homework

Today, I couldn’t blame the dog

He’s had dinner and is filling full

And so is my goddamned blog

Stuck here with a problem

Got me scratching my head

Don’t know what to do with it

Whether to multiply or add

‘Tis quite confusing

To see numbers circling in air

Got no solution for it

God ain’t answering my prayer

I shouldn’t have slept in class

Now I’m counting my luck

Mom would never know about it

The dog ate my homework

I woke up with no memory

All alone in my bed

I stared at the mirror

A strange feeling in my head

…

An ant crawled up to me

I asked her, “Who I am?”

“I don’t know,” she said

“You must be The Giant Ant.”

…

She led me to her home

Too small for me to fit in

She gave me a potion

To help me slip in

…

I drank it all at once

It didn’t work at all

I remained a giant ant

My length didn’t fall

…

“‘Tis no use,” she said

“You just stand still

I’ll call my brothers out

Much against their will.”

…

And out they came in numbers

Hundreds and thousands of ants

Inside the pocket of my shirt

And all over my pant

…

An anteater looked at me

Like I’m a man with ants as wings

He scared the hell out of them

They left me with giant stings

…

And back they retreated

Into their tiny hole

Left me scratching my head

No answers in my soul

…

What if I wake up again

Tomorrow with no memory?

I’d be careful not to ask an ant again

Any questions about me

A tired night of January

For a humble actuary

Woke up early feeling blue

Couldn’t trace a missing shoe

He looked and looked and looked for it

But could not find the other fit

And then, when all was said and done

He rushed to work with the only one

But he couldn’t reach the place on time

And it felt like a heinous crime

For he had abuses blown at his ears

And his eyes were filled with baby tears

‘You have to be on time next morning’

He went to work with that warning

And calculated what will accrue

What was left, and what was due

But he couldn’t quite concentrate

So the work was left to its fate

Rushed back to his tender house

Was greeted by a radioactive mouse

The giant mouse dug too deep

To find a place where it could sleep

Now to find a way to rid the rodent

But his thoughts were elsewhere spent

And it is a tragedy mixed with sorrow

He was going to be late to work tomorrow

Save me from this feeling

Keep me away from touch

Love was supposed to be fun

But it’s hurting me too much

…

Save me from this moment

Keep my heart at bay

Love was supposed to make me smile

But it’s hurting me today

…

This can’t go on

I believe we must end

This can’t go on anymore

Do you have a pretty friend?

…

Everyone knows about it

They weren’t born yesterday

Even a blind man could easily see

What I am trying to say

…

Everyone knows about it

What is there to hide?

I know your true feelings

And you know how I feel inside

…

This can’t go on

I believe we must end

This can’t go on anymore

Do you have a pretty friend?

…

Let go of my hand

The time is due

I ain’t worth holding on

And neither are you

…

Let go of my heart

You cannot keep the pace

It ain’t worth holding on

It’s in the wrong place

…

This can’t go on

I believe we must end

This can’t go on anymore

Do you have a pretty friend?

You’ve been looking for the perfect man
You haven’t found him yet
Go study astronomy
He’s not on this planet
…
I’ve been looking for that perfect girl
I’m glad I found you
Are you an earthling?
You’re too good to be true