I built a little time machine
Like I’ve done so often before
Though this one really worked
I soon found myself in the future
A bit old and wrinkled
Feeling unexcited
I decided to play a prank
And call my teenage self
From the past
To see how it works out
I dialled his number (or my old number)
It rang for a long time
Eventually, someone did pick up
I said, “Howdy, Frank. I am Frank from the future.”
And he said (or I said)
“Sorry, not interested.”
As he disconnected the call
Damn, that is so me!

There was once a little boy
Who thought cracking jokes was a toy
So he cracked jokes on everyone
Especially on fat ones
…
But as he put a pun on it
His tummy grew bit by bit
When he realised it was too late
His tummy went to round from straight
…
All his jokes came back to bite
He started living in a terrible fright
He stopped eating, did some exercise
The tummy showed no compromise
…
He sighed and hoped and prayed and screamed
That this was all just a silly dream
But his tummy felt oh so real
With which he didn’t know how to deal
…
So he asked a mate of his
“How should I even deal with this?”
His mate said, “There is one thing you could do
“Crack jokes on skinny people too”
…
With that he felt even more confused
His friend left him oh so bemused
And still today he is standing there
Lost in thought, filled with despair

My science teacher is so nuts
So much so that it actually hurts
She says that Earth has just one sun
And that’s shared by everyone
From Mercury, Saturn to Uranus
And Neptune, Jupiter, Mars, Venus
But I see that sun everywhere
Wherever I go, he’s always there
When I’m walking, he’s behind a tree
Staring from there right back at me
When I’m home, there’s one in the sky
Singing, dancing with the clouds that fly
And all of them go into hiding
When the night comes slowly sliding
The very next day when I awake
There’s another one, make no mistake
I wonder how she doesn’t know
About all these suns that brightly glow
Doesn’t she ever look up in the sky
Or feel the light like you and I?

Mommy, Johnny stole my doll
Now, he’s not giving it back
At the expense of my tears
He is having a crack
…
He is always doing this, you know?
Troubling me just for fun
He plans to trouble me more
I am sure that he’s not done
…
Should I steal his toys too?
Hide them in the dark?
Or throw it in the dustbin
Of a nearby park?
…
Mommy, will you tell me
What I should do now?
Should I complain to Santa?
But I don’t know how
…
Search for it in my room?
Is that what you say?
But I’ve already done that
Today like yesterday
…
Fine, I’ll look under the pillow
I’ll search beneath the bed
Oh wait, I think I see something
Is that my little doll’s head?

Oh Tommy, wake up

Do you not see?

We’re locked inside our own house

Where could Mommy be?

…

There’s nobody but us

It’s just you and me

Hold my hand if you’re afraid

Where could Mommy be?

…

The window is left open

Did the wind take her away?

Did the night eat her up

Before it turned to day?

Did she go out herself

To find us something to eat?

I hope she brings back something

Spicy and something sweet?

Is she in some trouble?

Drowning in a sea?

Oh Tommy, what do you think —

Where could Mommy be?

…

Should we break the door

With the trunk of a tree

Then go in search of our Mommy

Wherever she may be

…

Oh Tommy, wake up

Before I count to three

Wake up and help me decide

Where could Mommy be?

If
Goats could speak German
Foxes could speak French
Bees delivered sermons
In Bengali to some bench
Snails could speak Spanish
Hyenas could do Hebrew
Elephants trumpet in English
And eels could do that too
Crows were fluent in Chinese
Asbestos in Arabic
Jellyfishes in Japanese
In an accent that’s exotic

Then
Would we have looked at them differently?

A bot invited me to dinner
I was taken aback, you know
After deliberating, I said, “Sure.”
It replied, “Is it Yes or Nos?”

I arrived at the place a bit early
Dressed aptly for the occasion
All the time I was thinking
How to strike a conversation

Some time later it said, “We’re sets.”
As he laid the dishes and plates
All I saw were nuts, bolts and cogs
As it smiled, “Boy, I can’t waits.”

She has no expectations
She will make no accusations
She just does what she’s been told
She makes delicious breakfast
She will never break my earned trust
She will never ever get old
I never see her brag
I never hear her nag
She’s the kind of purchase
That is almost perfect for your life
A robot wife, a robot wife
…
She will never ever be fake
She will see through all your mistakes
She never tells me that I’m wrong
Life with her is pleasant
She will never need no presents
She even sings my favourite song
She loves me selflessly
She obeys so endlessly
Once I made the purchase
I relinquished my human wife
My robot wife, my robot wife
…
Of course she needs some repairs
But those are really minor affairs
Compared to all the gains you get
She will address you as — My honey
She is easy on the money
I haven’t had a complaint yet
I sympathize with you
If you’re not sure what to do
Go on make a purchase
To wipe out all the tensions in your life
With a robot wife, with a robot wife