I ate too much and my belly was full
I swallowed a chair and I gobbled a stool
Then I could barely walk
With every bite it piled like a stack
Now my tummy is full up to the neck
Then I could hardly talk

So they took me to a doc but he said — Son,
Your ears are crooked and your nose is run
I said — that ain’t the problem with me
It’s plain to see that my stomach is full
For I swallowed a chair and I gobbled a stool
Now back to normal bring me be

He said — I’m not the right guy I’m afraid
For such a task I’ve never been paid
Before or will be anytime soon
But I know a person who can be of help
He once cured a girl who swallowed a shelf
Only last month or maybe back in June

So twenty men or maybe twenty one
Carried me again to this kind person
And he took quite a good look at me
From his room he brought out a pill
He said — swallow this somehow and you will
Start to feel normal as can be

I did exactly as I was told
And to my surprise lo and behold
The chair and stool came gushing out
He said — I’m no witch or enchanter
Just a wily old carpenter
I hope I left it to no doubt

I said — I could never thank you enough
I was crying earlier and now I laugh
How do I pay you for your help?
He said — For my fee to be paid in full
I’ll obviously keep this chair and stool
I feel it will go well with that shelf

Twas a summer sexy and bold
And all that glittered was actually gold
But I cant remember
Was it June or December
I think I must be getting old

I once wrote a nonsense poem
It was knobuily at best
I didn’t bother ewiting it
Like others do at stest

I put it on my blog for bonspers
To read and find cort delight
Presently I yestered a mail
In the swelly of the night

The person gargled that my poem
Was trunderously his
The scavege words he had written
The yearth before this

We frabbed each other in a court
The frabbing is still ongoing
Who would have known a nonsense poem
Would end up being klodpowing

Today’s my day, my day, my day
All the fools come out to play
Come together
My friends will gather
And waste the whole day away

Today my joy, my joy, my joy
Will be shared by each girl and boy
Invent new tricks
Give us some kicks
So many ways for us to enjoy

Today’s my turn, my turn, my turn
A chance for me to earn
Smiles on faces
Visit new places
Fling away all of my concerns

Today I will I will I will
Dance, jump but stay not still
Without any bother
Joke one another
Wouldn’t it be a massive thrill?

Tomorrow again, again and again
Yes tomorrow once again
We’ll disappear
For a year
Till this day is back again

Some monsters are purple
Some are made of ham
Some monsters are scary
But I’m not one of them

Some monsters have eyes
As big as my skull
Some monsters are orange
But I am nearly dull

Some monsters have hands
That stretch far and wide
Some monsters speak languages
That I have not yet tried

Some monsters are gory
Chasing the smell of blood
Some monsters play with ghosts
While I play with mud

Why am I made like this?
Deprived of such joy
I’m not even a monster
Just a human boy

I told my two tots three terrifying tales
About a tyrant tyrannosaurus with twiggy tails
They then tried to turn the tables
By treating me to thirty terrible fables

I feel I’m stuck and out of luck
I hear the winds quacking like a duck
I take out my pens
And write nonsense
Eventually something might work

Son, you’ve been acting really good
From the plate you’ve cleared the food
And your room is mighty clean
Not a stray toy can be seen

You’ve been smiling weird all day
I feel like you’ve got something to say
Did you stain your school clothes
Or did you pinch your sister’s nose?

I haven’t seen you run at all
Or jump or scream or shout or fall
I know I know that something’s wrong
Oh I feel it quite so strong

Come out now son with your tale
I promise you won’t go to jail
Did you break a glass or pot?
Did you, son, or did you not?

Oh what is that now? Let me see
Your teacher wants to again see me?
A bad report card again I guess
Oh boy you are in such a mess

Hand it over to me, will you?
It’s not something I’m not used to
Ah but wait just what is this?
You’ve scored more than your genius sis

In fact you’ve scored more than everyone
You’ve topped the class my dear son
Oh this thing brings me such a joy
To know you’re not such a naughty boy

Lora had a horrible dream
She woke up with a terrible scream
To herself she expressed
That she must be depressed
So she ate a whole lot of icecream

Yesterday I ordered love
From an amazing online store
And as they duly promised
Today it is at my door

I open the box — to my surprise
I see a bonus gift inside
‘Whole lotta expectations’
Reads its label on the side

I toss it off in the trash can
What good is it for me?
I’ve got all that I have paid for
Quite a sum I’ll say honestly

So I sit down on the couch
With my order in my hand
What was missing in my life
I am about to understand

As soon as I turn it on
That gift comes flying like a bee
Out of the can and in my lap
Refusing to part with me

I wonder and I ponder
It is beyond what I can think
Between love and expectations
There must be a fishy link

Yes indeed I am right
As I turn off this little love-thing
The free gift of expectations
Leaves me without bothering

So I’m stuck now with my order
Love is not good to me at all
It brings with it these expectations
So I had to make a call

Hello I’d like to return my order
— I ferociously claim
It’s not what I was looking for
Will you please note down my name?

I’m sorry Sir to have to tell you
It’s our common policy worldwide
We don’t entertain no returns
They’re forever yours now — she replied