You know what happened in office today?
As I reached my desk
I looked outside the window
Only to see the clouds burst in flames
A giant fiery bird flew out of the smoke
Landed straight at my window
Gave me a deathly stare
Was abducted soon after by a UFO
After all the drama ended
I sat down to do my work
But a couple of burglars broke in
Beat me up and kidnapped me
None of my colleagues moved a muscle
As they dragged me with them
They checked my wallet and pockets
Found kryptonite on me
Dumped me in a nearby field
I had to walk back home
My boss will be furious tomorrow
I missed the deadline today

My dog has a blog

For writing poetries

He’s a much better poet

Than I could ever be

…

My dog has a blog

More followers than me

Thousands of crazy fans

A mini celebrity

…

My dog has a blog

Fame and money

He moved out last month

To start a family

…

My dog has a blog

But a bad memory

Ever since he’s moved out

He’s never called me

I drew a bird and it came to life
I got excited and told my wife
She didn’t believe a single word
For there wasn’t any sign of the bird
The window was open. She must have flown away
To cause my heart enormous dismay
So just to prove that I was true
I told her, “I’d draw again for you.”
She stopped my hand and told me, “Wait.”
“Why don’t you draw a piece of chocolate?”

My wife and kids are not too pleased

I spend too much time on my phone

They say I should get some exercise

I ask them to leave me alone

…

Sophie thinks I don’t hold her anymore

I only hold my phone

If I don’t change my ways

In the streets she’ll have me thrown

She thinks whenever we go out

I talk more to my phone

I correct her on that point

I do the same at home

…

The kids are more threatening

They plan to steal my phone

Hide it in some corner

I shall forever be unknown

I have my own plans so

They never mess with my phone

If they’ll ever steal it

In the streets I’ll have them thrown

…

My wife and kids are not too pleased

I spend too much time on my phone

They say I should get some exercise

In the streets I have them thrown

Mom and dad are not too pleased

I’m spending too much time with my phone

They asked me to get some exercise

I told them to leave me alone

…

Mom thinks I should do my homework

My grades are crashing down

If I don’t make it through school

I’ll end up as a circus clown

Mom also thinks she’s very funny

That I’ve inherited that bone

But I do not agree with that

Neither does my phone

…

Dad says that I’m a bum

I barely move a muscle

I’m too lazy to argue that

I could beat him in a tussle

He really shouldn’t criticize

What he cannot understand

He would never realize

My phone is my only friend

…

Mom and dad are not too pleased

I’m spending too much time with my phone

They asked me to get some exercise

So I untangle my earphones

I was lonely. I was sad

I had lost everything that I ever had

I had nothing but time

No family, house, car or dime

Then you came along

Everything turned so wrong

I forgot that I was ever sad

You made me happy. You made me glad

Like you were an evil witch

You turned my fortunes. Made me rich

Now I just don’t understand

What to do with the cash in hand

Why don’t you just go away?

There’s so much tax that I have to pay

Give me back my time and space

I don’t want to see your face

Is this some devious plot of yours?

To gift me a healthy Swedish horse

All this wealth – this isn’t me

I want to go back to writing poetry