I want to see you
As you were when I was born
As you raised me
As beautiful as you always were
Smiling
But it’s too late now
I want to tell you
How much you mean to me
How much I miss talking to you
How lonely it is without you
How incomplete life feels
But it’s too late now
I want to listen
To your stories
About your struggles
About your wishes and dreams
To everything that you have to say
But it’s too late now
A hundred thousand times
That’s how many times a heart beats in a day
So when I say that I miss you at every heartbeat
I mean it
When the truths all come out
To wipe the tear of doubt
It brings with itself a new tear of sorrow
And a tear is a tear
Some swiftly disappear
But some stay till the light of the morrow
With a picture in hand
Of the time we could spend
In the future which soon will pass by
We realise how small
Life and we are all
Perhaps this is our first and last try
So gather your thoughts
And dreams tied in knots
Free them from the chains of sadness
Lick the wounds on your skin
Burn the stories within
To light the mercurial spirit of madness
Yesterday I ordered love
From an amazing online store
And as they duly promised
Today it is at my door
I open the box — to my surprise
I see a bonus gift inside
‘Whole lotta expectations’
Reads its label on the side
I toss it off in the trash can
What good is it for me?
I’ve got all that I have paid for
Quite a sum I’ll say honestly
So I sit down on the couch
With my order in my hand
What was missing in my life
I am about to understand
As soon as I turn it on
That gift comes flying like a bee
Out of the can and in my lap
Refusing to part with me
I wonder and I ponder
It is beyond what I can think
Between love and expectations
There must be a fishy link
Yes indeed I am right
As I turn off this little love-thing
The free gift of expectations
Leaves me without bothering
So I’m stuck now with my order
Love is not good to me at all
It brings with it these expectations
So I had to make a call
Hello I’d like to return my order
— I ferociously claim
It’s not what I was looking for
Will you please note down my name?
I’m sorry Sir to have to tell you
It’s our common policy worldwide
We don’t entertain no returns
They’re forever yours now — she replied
Hatred, unlike energy, can be destroyed
When you hurt someone you are trying to get rid of the hatred within you by passing it on to the victim
Hatred need not be transformed from one form to another
When you bully a junior because you were bullied as a junior
When you kick your wife because you are biologically stronger
When you post a racist comment against a footballer because he missed a penalty
When you hit your child because you were beaten as a child
When you humble your maid because she can’t humble you back
You are revealing the hatred within you
Hatred need not be transferred from one human to another
That hatred or sadness or despair or negativity or anger or frustration is within you and is looking for a way out
Every time you mock, insult, humiliate, demean, disrespect, offend, abuse, wound, spite, harm, damage, ridicule or mistreat someone you are simply shifting your hatred
Respect your junior, love your spouse and child, appreciate the footballer, be kind to your maid
Destroy the hatred, don’t pass it on
The total hatred of an isolated system need not be constant
I read that every second 1.8 humans die
Turning to the plain clock hanging on a plain wall
I watched the seconds tick
With every tick I imagined a person dying
Somewhere, anywhere, someone, anyone
Tick 1 – someone dies in Asia
Tick 2 – someone dies in Africa
Tick 3 – someone dies in America
Tick 4 – someone dies in Europe
Tick 5 – someone dies close to me
5 seconds down, 5 humans down (at the very least)
And we are only talking about humans
Let us not get started on other life-forms
With every passing second we lose a human
A unique being like the one that never was and never will be
I always knew that death is commonplace
Yet this thought never bothered me before
60 seconds down, 100 humans down
Yet I am not affected by it
I look around and nobody seems to be mourning either
We are aware and yet oblivious
I am only affected by the death of those who are close to me
The ones I love and the ones I care about
Others seem to be following the same rule
They are only affected by the loss of their dear ones
That’s a weird rule
If people only mourn the death of their loved ones then the fewer people you love the less you will grieve
The corollary should be: People are hurt only by their loved ones
But that is not true
Those who we not love can wound our hearts too
So the logical corollary seems to be: We are hurt more by those who we love than by those we don’t
That sounds true to me
Does it hold good for you too?
I am more hurt by a lie I hear from a loved one than a lie I hear from someone else
So what’s the lesson in this? What’s the point of this? What do we learn from this?
It’s simple
Love is going to hurt
Love is going to make you cry
Through the actions of a loved one or because of their loss
Love will shatter you
Love is addictive and all addictions are harmful
It’s the drug that offers momentary pleasure
For a lasting scathe
Avoid it
Cut it out
Love nobody
Well I said to my heart —
Is this what you do?
When you suffer and ache
I too suffer with you
No excuses this time
Be as cold as a stone
When you light up that fire
You’re never burning alone
Keep your doors all closed
And your windows too
When you breathe in that air
I too suffer with you
Go find a distraction
How hard could it be?
The repercussions
You always share with me
Why don’t you understand
What isn’t good for you?
For a passing feeling
I too suffer with you
See the other side someday
It isn’t that bad
It isn’t that hideous
It isn’t that sad
So I said to my heart —
Is this what you do?
When you suffer and pain
I too suffer with you
When you pack your bags to leave
Pack my heart too Eve
For it is no good with me
If you fail to find it worthwhile
Then cast it with a smile
In the nearest bin you see
Life could not be for love
If it was I would have found it
Life could not be for love
If it is I have missed it
I want to live
Happily and merrily
Jubilantly and gleefully
Mirthfully and blithely
I want to love
Freely and crazily
Extraordinarily and unconditionally
Wildly and innocently
But that is not possible with you
Clearly and apparently
Currently and actually
Significantly and persistently
So I want to leave
Sadly and unfortunately
Necessarily and permanently
Essentially and importantly
Frank Solanki 