Towards heaven, I turned my head
With the night sky, dark and red
An arrangement I did behold
Precious more than a thousand gold
…
The night stars lined up in play
Shining brighter than the sun of day
As if they were willing to play a game
And formed a constellation of your name
…
Then I turned my head to the other side
And my smile grew further wide
The brightest stars of the endless space
Drew a constellation of your face
If I was a boy named Hank
Working in a private bank
I’d quit my job
Call myself Bob
Or even name myself Frank
If I was a hungry cat. Furry, fluffy and fat
I’ll eat some mice. It’ll feel so nice
I’ll have some fish to my heart’s wish
Still feel empty after that, if I was a hungry cat
I’ll bite John’s shoe, Anne’s book I’ll chew
Gulp a horseshoe, then lick some glue
Still feel empty after that, if I was a hungry cat
Then I’ll eat some wood. It’ll taste so good
Some pebbles and stones to harden my bones
Grow quite big after that, if I was a hungry cat
Then I’ll try tables and chairs, happy couples and pairs
Buses and trains, cars and cranes
Grow quite big after that, but my hunger won’t go yet
Have parks for lunch, factories facing crunch
Some rivers I’d drink and even some seas, i think
Grow into a giant cat if I was hungry like that
I’ll eat mountains and hills, tax returns and bills
And get my paws all over the crazy laws
Empty Earth after that if I was a hungry cat
My hunger won’t be done so I’ll eat Moon and Sun
And then erase whatever’s left in space
Float like a space jet if I was a hungry cat
And when everything else fails
I’ll eat my own tail
Bite my own head off
Wait, I wouldn’t do that
No, no, no
I wouldn’t do that if I was a hungry cat
If I was a chameleon
It would be so much fun
Into a hundred colours I’d turn
If I was a chameleon
I’d turn golden with the burning sun
My tail, my legs, my abdomen
If I was a chameleon
I’d be blue when you see me crawl
All over the fancy, big, blue wall
Or I’d be white on a baseball
Or orange on a basketball
I’d be green in a casino
Or when I’m laying in a meadow
I’d be grey in hair of May
A purple mess in Jane’s dress
A scarlet red in Emma’s bed
A bright yellow and a brighter pink
Now and then, or so I think
But my truest colours I would show
When I’m sliding down a rainbow
And when all is said and all is done
I’d turn black when the night’s begun
You see, it would be so much fun
If I was a chameleon
If I was a magnet
All the girls would come flocking to me
Like I’m some celebrity
Stalk and encroach my private life
Propose and fight to be my wife
…
If I was a magnet
All the girls would scream and shout
When they see me stepping out
Chase me down in their high heels
With their ferocious howls and squeals
…
If I was a magnet
Girls would keep attracting to me
Even if I hide on top of a tree
They’ll smell me and lose control
Even if I’m hiding inside a hole
…
If I was a magnet
All girls, sweet and pretty
Will have their fingerprints all over me
Act crazy, wild, insane and mad
All the guys will feel so sad
…
If I was a magnet
All the girls would stick to me
Like I’m honey and they’re bees
But I can’t even attract an iron nail yet
I ain’t even sweet as chocolate
Or mighty rich or fortunate
So I guess I might as well forget
To be a magnet
If I was a weirdo
A nerdo and a geeko
They’ll search for me
Wherever I may be
From Bombay to Bordeaux
If I was a weirdo
…
If I was a weirdo
A nerdo and a geeko
They’ll hunt me down
In some small town
While I’m having cappuccino
If I was a weirdo
…
If I was a weirdo
A nerdo and a geeko
They’ll tie me in chains
Cut open my brains
Like I’m Galileo
If I was a weirdo
…
If I was a weirdo
A nerdo and a geeko
They’ll lock me in a prison
Try to find a reason
Why I turned out so
If I was a weirdo
…
If I was a weirdo
A nerdo and a geeko
They’ll declare me fat
A national threat
Bury me next to Michelangelo
If I was a weirdo
…
If I was a weirdo
A nerdo and a geeko
I’ll come out of my grave
Some folks, I’ll save
Become a redeemed hero
If I was a weirdo
…
Well, I was a weirdo
A nerdo and a geeko
But it was a long time ago
Am I still a weirdo?
I don’t know
If I was a lonely clown
In a lonely town
It would be so unsatisfactory
I’d do some silly tricks
An ass would give me kicks
Just for introductory
I’d sing Do-Do-Di-Da-Da
Little John’s from Africa
If I was the only clown in town
…
If I was a lonely clown
In a lonely town
It would be so disappointing
They’d pay to get their laughs
But forget about their halves
There’d be no finger-pointing
I’d sing Do-Do-Di-Da-Da
Little John goes ‘Blah, blah, blah’
If I was the only clown in town
…
If I was a lonely clown
In a lonely town
I’d feel so miserable
There’d be nobody
To put a smile on me
But thankfully its not so unfavourable
I sing Do-Do-Di-Da-Da
A hundred clowns, here they are
I am not the only clown in town
I’d write ‘If I Was’ poems
My brothers will float around
But I will stand my ground
And make Lazy John and Crazy Sean and a lot of other folks proud
If I was a lazy cloud
…
They’ll pour all over Spain
But I’ll refuse to rain
I’ll yawn and sleep and refuse to weep, though my mother cries aloud
If I was a lazy cloud
…
One fine summer day
A poet will come my way
He’d look at me floating lazily (yawn) and begin to write about
‘If I was a lazzzzzzzzz……..
I walked around with a gun in my hand
Looking for Peace
Please, please, please
Would someone show me Peace?
…
I met a boy and I asked him
If he had any Peace
He said, “I only have a little drum for a toy
I play it all the time
It helps the day pass away
But Peace? No, Sir. I haven’t heard of that toy
You might as well go ahead and ask some other boy”
…
I went ahead with a gun in my hand
Looking for Peace
Please, please, please
Would someone give me Peace?
…
I met a young lady
Walking with her man
Happy and smiling
She must know Peace then
I asked her if she knew where I could find Peace
“Peace?”, she said, “I only know Stan
Why would I keep tabs about any other man?
But if you are looking for a lost friend
You might find him in that shrine
Everyone finds everything there”
…
I went to the shrine with a gun in my hand
Looking for Peace
Please, please, please
Would someone bring me Peace?
…
I looked around the shrine
There was nobody there but me
And my faithful shadow
Who refused to leave
The winds made the bells ring
My heart began to beat
I sat there with Silence
While I threw my gun away
My shadow left to grab it
Peace came to stay
Frank Solanki 