I am here
Now
Walking down this cold, windy street
In black leather shoes and a warm jacket
In my thoughts
However
I am climbing a wooden staircase
That reaches for the tiny dots in the violet sky
These thoughts of mine
Are mine and mine alone
Illusory to others
Concrete and palpable to me
This world is bursting with reality
Reality that only I can experience
I take another step
Both worlds are beyond my control
I do not dictate anything or anyone
I am a fraction of two wholes
I take another step
With every blink
I shift from one reality to another
A magic portal I carry
In my iris
I take another step
Which is more real I cannot say
They both appear equally true and
Equally fantastical to me
There is a fine line between the two
With every blink
The line gets blurry
I take another step
Category: Depression
A Funny Little Accident
Well, I never did believe in happiness
But sometimes I like to dream
You know, I prefer to lead a quiet life
But sometimes I like to scream
It’s maddening
How life is a funny little accident
How we like to believe we are in control
That we know everything there is to know
We are infact slaves to our bodies and emotions
These thoughts run through my head
All the time
ALL. THE. TIME.
I can’t stop them
I can help myself but I won’t
Somebody help me help myself
I can picture the future
It’s grim, it’s grim
I can imagine the end
It’s peaceful
It’s going to be a bumpy ride
With everyone ending up in different destinations
Yet looking down upon those who finished behind
And being looked down upon by the rest
There’s no need for an answer
For there’s just no question
Hanging itself in the air
Seeking its soulmate
I will be here on my own
Sleeping in the soft green grass
With the silver moon overhead
And the cold winds blowing from the north
Chilling me to the bones
Nothing on my mind
Nothing on my skin
Except ants looking for something to eat
Something to bite
Little Lies
While Waiting For A Train On A Tuesday Morning
I whisper sometimes to myself
If it is worth it
To give up a hundred happinesses
To avoid a single sadness
It makes me wonder to see
People sharing a part of their soul
With others; they make it seem so easy
Then I also reflect on solitude
That which makes a lot of people dread
Because it disguises itself as loneliness
I assure myself that I am okay
That solitude can be counted as a friend
That when others think I am talking to myself
I am actually conversing with my soul
Naturally
I dip my toe
In a black sea
Darkness surrounds me
I look up
And I see
White dots staring back
I look around
All is black
I seek what I lack
I put my hand
Through a crack
I’m swallowed naturally
Alone On A Beach
I find myself alone
With the seeds I have sown
On a beach – cold, dark and stranded
Where no saint has ever landed
Where the hearts turn to stone
I Told Myself A Lie
I told myself a lie
A lie I scarce believed
I iterated that lie
The lie that I have lived
I let the old truth die
A truth of great essence
And say this with a sigh
Truth makes no difference
Life Is Painful
Life is sad, bitter and painful
Interjected by moments of joy or neutrality
Those who claim that life is worth the hassle
Are deluded beyond recovery
No, I am not complaining about the end of life
We should not fear our end
It is inevitable and liberating
There is nothing after it, but void
No pain, sorrow or unhappiness
A constant state of nothing-ness
It is the death of loved ones
Which is most difficult to take
It makes life a terrible punishment
Fills you with grief, anxiety and denial
Rips your heart out and shreds it to pieces
Life is full of such losses
No joy equivalent to compensate for it
Life is sad
Life is bitter
Life is painful
Thirty Years
Thirty years of meaninglessness
Thirty years of being there
Thirty years of walking around
Thirty years of going nowhere
Thirty years of disinclination
Thirty years of moulding clay
Thirty years of exploration
Thirty years of work and pay
Thirty years with eyes closed
Thirty years with closed tomorrows
Thirty years with arms closed
Thirty years close to sorrows
Thirty years of youthful folly
Coupled with numerous addictions
Thirty years dragged on like a joke
Thirty years of contradictions
Thirty years of speaking with self
Thirty years of losing sleep
Thirty years of breathing alone
More such years are mine to keep
The Donkey Of Vengeance
There is a little donkey
Who travels around the world
I don’t quite know his name
People lovingly call him Vendy
He appears at your door whenever you need him
Go close to him
Whisper in his ears
He’ll carry your whisper to its destination
In a sack laden on his back
It may take time or it may not
But he always delivers
Mother said I should stay away from him
Never wish it upon our doorstep
But something inside me had a yearning
The yearning was intense
I did beckon him to our doorstep
Once
Maybe twice
Maybe a lot many times
I like him
He brings a lot of joy
Frank Solanki 