I feel I’m stuck and out of luck
I hear the winds quacking like a duck
I take out my pens
And write nonsense
Eventually something might work

Son, you’ve been acting really good
From the plate you’ve cleared the food
And your room is mighty clean
Not a stray toy can be seen

You’ve been smiling weird all day
I feel like you’ve got something to say
Did you stain your school clothes
Or did you pinch your sister’s nose?

I haven’t seen you run at all
Or jump or scream or shout or fall
I know I know that something’s wrong
Oh I feel it quite so strong

Come out now son with your tale
I promise you won’t go to jail
Did you break a glass or pot?
Did you, son, or did you not?

Oh what is that now? Let me see
Your teacher wants to again see me?
A bad report card again I guess
Oh boy you are in such a mess

Hand it over to me, will you?
It’s not something I’m not used to
Ah but wait just what is this?
You’ve scored more than your genius sis

In fact you’ve scored more than everyone
You’ve topped the class my dear son
Oh this thing brings me such a joy
To know you’re not such a naughty boy

Lora had a horrible dream
She woke up with a terrible scream
To herself she expressed
That she must be depressed
So she ate a whole lot of icecream

Yesterday I ordered love
From an amazing online store
And as they duly promised
Today it is at my door

I open the box — to my surprise
I see a bonus gift inside
‘Whole lotta expectations’
Reads its label on the side

I toss it off in the trash can
What good is it for me?
I’ve got all that I have paid for
Quite a sum I’ll say honestly

So I sit down on the couch
With my order in my hand
What was missing in my life
I am about to understand

As soon as I turn it on
That gift comes flying like a bee
Out of the can and in my lap
Refusing to part with me

I wonder and I ponder
It is beyond what I can think
Between love and expectations
There must be a fishy link

Yes indeed I am right
As I turn off this little love-thing
The free gift of expectations
Leaves me without bothering

So I’m stuck now with my order
Love is not good to me at all
It brings with it these expectations
So I had to make a call

Hello I’d like to return my order
— I ferociously claim
It’s not what I was looking for
Will you please note down my name?

I’m sorry Sir to have to tell you
It’s our common policy worldwide
We don’t entertain no returns
They’re forever yours now — she replied

There’s a ghost in my room
Who thinks he can’t be seen
Flickers the lights at night
Just to make a scene

There’s a ghost in my room
He slowly closes the door
When it makes a creaking sound
I hear him laugh and roar

There’s a ghost in my room
Who makes many hideous cries
I give him a lot of brownie points
Just for all the tries

I feel like speaking the truth someday
Tell him to stop his gag
But the poor guy seems lonely
So I let his drab show drag

A hop over here and a skip over there
It leaves me far behind
I’m huffing and puffing in a terrible way
Will you help me catch my mind
Will you help me catch my mind? Oh please
Will you help me catch my mind?
I’m huffing and puffing in a terrible way
Will you help me catch my mind?

I begged and bribed and tried all means
No solution I can find
I’m desperately at my wit’s end
Please help me catch my mind
Please help me catch my mind oh please
Please help me catch my mind
I’m desperately at my wit’s end
Please help me catch my mind

I’m sure you can relate to me
If your mind is a jumping-kind
Let’s work out a way to help each other
I need to catch my mind
I need to catch my mind oh please
I need to catch my mind
Let’s work out a way to help each other
I need to catch my mind

Football, work, video games
Books, dinosaurs, mankind
See how my mind is all over the place
Will you help me catch my mind
Will you help me catch my mind? Oh please
Will you help me catch my mind?
I’m huffing and puffing in a terrible way
Will you help me catch my mind?

Oh look there’s a cloud that looks like me
I’m gonna name it Little FrankE
You could give a name to a cloud too
Should you find a cloud that looks like you

Humpty Dumpty rose from the ground
After the fall he was safe and sound
All the king’s horses and all the king’s men
Saw that he wasn’t an egg with pants

Just how golly life would be
If you swap your shoes with me
Just for a day or two or three
I’ll be you and you’ll be me

I’ll see the world as you see
I’ll get to know your family
When you meet mine, you’d agree
That they’re all sweet and jolly

I’ll meet Joe, Jason, Emily
And your other comrades by the sea
We’ll swim for hours jubilantly
And climb on the giant coconut tree

You’ll meet Dan, Martha, Willie
They’ll crack jokes and they’ll act silly
They’ll make you laugh loud endlessly
Time will fly quite speedily

When should we start? Come, tell me
Tonight? Tomorrow? Whenever you’re free
Right now? Oh my that is fine with me
Close your eyes and count to three

Queasy, nervous and going mad
In my quest to be a great dad
I went through all the parenting tips
To save myself from any slips

What to do and what to not
To save my child from any blot?
What to teach and what to dress
To give my child great success?

What bedtime stories I should read
To have him sleeping guaranteed?
What to sing as a lullaby
When my child begins to cry?

What skills to teach? What toys to buy?
How to get his grades to fly?
What food is good and what is bad?
Oh I’m trying to be a great dad

Days and nights I have spent
Through each book I have went
One thing I can say for sure
They’ve left me more confused than before