Yesterday I Ordered Love

Yesterday I ordered love
From an amazing online store
And as they duly promised
Today it is at my door

I open the box — to my surprise
I see a bonus gift inside
‘Whole lotta expectations’
Reads its label on the side

I toss it off in the trash can
What good is it for me?
I’ve got all that I have paid for
Quite a sum I’ll say honestly

So I sit down on the couch
With my order in my hand
What was missing in my life
I am about to understand

As soon as I turn it on
That gift comes flying like a bee
Out of the can and in my lap
Refusing to part with me

I wonder and I ponder
It is beyond what I can think
Between love and expectations
There must be a fishy link

Yes indeed I am right
As I turn off this little love-thing
The free gift of expectations
Leaves me without bothering

So I’m stuck now with my order
Love is not good to me at all
It brings with it these expectations
So I had to make a call

Hello I’d like to return my order
— I ferociously claim
It’s not what I was looking for
Will you please note down my name?

I’m sorry Sir to have to tell you
It’s our common policy worldwide
We don’t entertain no returns
They’re forever yours now — she replied

There’s A Ghost In My Room

There’s a ghost in my room
Who thinks he can’t be seen
Flickers the lights at night
Just to make a scene

There’s a ghost in my room
He slowly closes the door
When it makes a creaking sound
I hear him laugh and roar

There’s a ghost in my room
Who makes many hideous cries
I give him a lot of brownie points
Just for all the tries

I feel like speaking the truth someday
Tell him to stop his gag
But the poor guy seems lonely
So I let his drab show drag

Catch My Mind

A hop over here and a skip over there
It leaves me far behind
I’m huffing and puffing in a terrible way
Will you help me catch my mind
Will you help me catch my mind? Oh please
Will you help me catch my mind?
I’m huffing and puffing in a terrible way
Will you help me catch my mind?

I begged and bribed and tried all means
No solution I can find
I’m desperately at my wit’s end
Please help me catch my mind
Please help me catch my mind oh please
Please help me catch my mind
I’m desperately at my wit’s end
Please help me catch my mind

I’m sure you can relate to me
If your mind is a jumping-kind
Let’s work out a way to help each other
I need to catch my mind
I need to catch my mind oh please
I need to catch my mind
Let’s work out a way to help each other
I need to catch my mind

Football, work, video games
Books, dinosaurs, mankind
See how my mind is all over the place
Will you help me catch my mind
Will you help me catch my mind? Oh please
Will you help me catch my mind?
I’m huffing and puffing in a terrible way
Will you help me catch my mind?

Swap Your Shoes With Me

Just how golly life would be
If you swap your shoes with me
Just for a day or two or three
I’ll be you and you’ll be me

I’ll see the world as you see
I’ll get to know your family
When you meet mine, you’d agree
That they’re all sweet and jolly

I’ll meet Joe, Jason, Emily
And your other comrades by the sea
We’ll swim for hours jubilantly
And climb on the giant coconut tree

You’ll meet Dan, Martha, Willie
They’ll crack jokes and they’ll act silly
They’ll make you laugh loud endlessly
Time will fly quite speedily

When should we start? Come, tell me
Tonight? Tomorrow? Whenever you’re free
Right now? Oh my that is fine with me
Close your eyes and count to three

To Be A Great Dad

Queasy, nervous and going mad
In my quest to be a great dad
I went through all the parenting tips
To save myself from any slips

What to do and what to not
To save my child from any blot?
What to teach and what to dress
To give my child great success?

What bedtime stories I should read
To have him sleeping guaranteed?
What to sing as a lullaby
When my child begins to cry?

What skills to teach? What toys to buy?
How to get his grades to fly?
What food is good and what is bad?
Oh I’m trying to be a great dad

Days and nights I have spent
Through each book I have went
One thing I can say for sure
They’ve left me more confused than before

An Alien Came From Mercury

An alien came from Mercury
“Earthlings,” he said, “please hurry
I give you one minute
Pack your stuff in it
Nothing else for you to worry”

Poor earthlings lost their head
Helter-skelter they all fled
Hearts gripped with fear
And the future unclear
They didn’t want to end up dead

The cunning alien had a look
How easily the Earth was shook
No guns or death-ray
No knife to slay
Authority is all it took

My Daughter’s Favourite Book

I grabbed my daughter’s favourite book
A book about dinosaurs
She holds it every night to sleep
A book she just adores

As I flipped the very first page
Guess what did I see
The beasts therein all came to life
And jumped on top of me

They looked at me with giant eyes
I looked back with fear
I yelled and screamed like a little girl
As my demise grew near

Hearing me my girl came running
Grabbed the book from me
Instructed the giant dinosaurs
— Let the old man be

They all paid obeisance to her
Ere retreating in the book
I got myself up from the floor
With a pitiful look

Like nothing had ever happened
My daughter jumped on the bed
Fell to sleep holding that eerie book
Left me scratching my head